Dear Blunt Betty,
“My Children Asked Me What is a Good Friend”
Some people have referred to our home as a group home. Why? Because we are constantly gathering around, daily in fact, as a family or whomever wishing to join in, and talk about life and things that matter to each individual.
We talk about good times, we talk about problems and how we can support each other through issues in order to come out on the positive side of things. We talk openly and with vulnerability because we do not fear being judged in our home. We make every attempt not to allow that under our roof. Home is a safe place for us.
Lately my kids have been talking about friends. What is a true friend? How can they be a good friend to others? I found this quote and I found it fitting. Being a spiritual family, I thought this quote suited the message that our family likes to portray to others, be it human or non human.
“A friend is never known till he is needed. Friendship is a responsibility…not an opportunity.”
So often these days, friendship, or the thought of one, comes to mind how that other person can enhance our life if we bring them into ours. Or at least, spend time with them with the invisible walls up. Often we have friends due to an agenda. It is not about them it is about us. How can they be support to us? How can this benefit us, emotionally, financially, etc.
Often we take for granted our friends with the idea we can pull them off the shelf when needed and then put them back. They can knock on our door so to speak, 100 times and if we want to answer we do. If not, no big deal. We will get to them when we find it suits us.
Many people do not know how to be friends. Today’s technology and friendship involves clicks of a button and enter keys and a block aid on facebook when we no longer want to deal with someone. So I told the girls, if a friend is there for support and help and you ignore that fact, you are not a friend. They might be your friend if they are supportive to you, but you are not a friend of theirs so DON’T say “I am her/his friend” when you are referring to that person. You failed in that responsibility and don’t have that right. I have always taught my children that a title that someone has, must be earned. For example, don’t call yourself someone’s mother or father if you don’t act like it to that child. You failed in your responsibility and don’t have that right.
Being taken advantage of by someone who is only in it for what they can get from you is not healthy either. If you are allowing someone to not be a friend to you but you are to them you have to stop and ask yourself why you are doing that?
A spiritual person helps others looking for nothing in return. However self love and respect is knowing the difference between being supportive and being taken advantage of. Know the difference between the two. Support others while loving and supporting yourself. Give what you can and take only what you need. Know that friendship is a responsibility and not an opportunity. Friendship is a gift. Treat it like that. And if someone does not want to cherish the gift of friendship that you give them, know the difference and keep on walking.
Walking on from something means you tried to give what you could and it wasn’t respected or appreciated. Walking out on something or a person means that someone was there, they saw things for what they were. They appreciated what you did or do for them and tried to give back however you didn’t care. Walking out means abandonment. Walking on means leaving in peace and taking the path that is positive for you. Big difference between the two. Learn to walk on from others instead of walking out. Be that friend you want someone to be to you. And if they don’t want to reciprocate that is fine. There is always the friendship that you give to yourself. At the end of the day that is the biggest friendship you will need to nurture. Because if you cannot be a friend to yourself, you cannot give to others what you cannot give to your own person.
Thanks for reading. Remember to take care of yourself and each other, for we are all each other have.
Betty Jean Matthews pens under the Nom de Plume, Blunt Betty. She is the CEO and Founder of Stuck in the Mud Animal Rescue and is constantly and compassionately lending her voice and time to other community charities with hopes of making a difference. Betty Jean is also a guest contributor for Social Media Morning where Blunt Betty will tell you exactly what’s on her mind.
You may email Betty Jean by clicking here: Blunt Betty